Welcome To My Universe

how could it be that i change my mind everytime !

i'm a big liar sometimes, but not because i want to, is just that i don't want to hurt people, but that in this case is to be selfish or maybe not selfish but that isn't right...

What should i do?

I don't want to do that again because i already did it, i don't like to see people sad...

i don't like to be bad with anyone... D:

And i'm actually sad because of all this situation,even if it was all because of me.

It's just that i'm not quite sure if i should continue with my boyfriend or if i should break up with him....

I mean i do like him, i think, but i'm not sure if i love him and i can't continue saying it with no real meaning because it just feels bad just to say it with no real feelings...

But i used to love him, even though i never felt something that strong, it only happened one day and then never again...

why ?

i think it's because the relationship is too monotone, we meet each other everytime at the same places, which i'm now bored of.. and everytime is a lil bit of talking and then just kissing and hugging and i mean i like that but it seems to me that those aren't real feelings those are just hmm i don't know but aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa D:

Yesterday was my birthday number 18! i had a really good time with my friends, barbara, ruben, jose and carlos, they had lunch with me and then they went to my home to have some cake but my boyfriend didn't come and he said he would call me but he never did, and it's not that i needed him to do it but i mean why do you always say you're going to call me and then you never do, i mean if you're not actually going to call me then don't give me the ilusion ¬¬

MEN! i hate some of them...

Besides that he's always trying to get my attention and trying to manipulate me i mean come on!

You can't get mad after spending 3 hours with me because i'm going to see one of my bff's !

and you can't invent a story similar to mine everytime ! that's just stupid i don't need you to be exactly like me ! i prefer someone original ! uuuuuugh seeing it so it seems that i never loved him, but i actually did, i was just waiting for him to be that perfect blue prince but i think that's just in fairy tales, i was hoping that he could write to me a letter once in a while, that he would give me a flower once in a while that he would invite me to something but he never invites me to anything and i mean i don't need that but he could at least one of those things and to me now that i analyse that i think the only thing he wants with me are the kisses, hugs and something else that i'm never going to give to him, gosh now i'm mad...

how could i have been so blind and stupid, but well anyway i would have never done that thing with him, he isn't actually that cute, and i don't i think i deserve something better..

i mean i might don't have the perfect body, but God gave me lots of beauty and lots of gifts, i know i'm a good person after all, i better focus on school and my music, my violin which is the most important thing for me and i think it's going to be my husband and i want to live with him in Europe ! (L) that would be perfect there i wouldn't need a man, living in europe and being with my violin playing there and getting money of it would be my dream come true...

hmm i think i wrote too much for today

i will see what i do during the week

nicole